Suffering Builds Character

Suffering Builds Character

When we think of character, we often associate it with good qualities, but it’s important to recognize that bad character exists too. However, in the real world—and in prison—bad character is rare. No one is born inherently bad; there’s no “evil gene.” Instead, life circumstances, desperate choices, environments, and the influence of others who steer us in the wrong direction are what shape bad character. But this isn’t something anyone sets out to cultivate. Very few people wake up with the intention of being “bad.”

Over the past three and a half years, I’ve been around hundreds, possibly thousands, of incarcerated men, from the East Coast to the West Coast. The vast majority are good people who find themselves in unfortunate circumstances, often due to the misuse of drugs or alcohol. It might sound simplistic, but substance abuse is frequently a coping mechanism for deeper, more serious issues—pain. How we deal with pain directly affects how we navigate life. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “hurt people hurt people.” It’s true, but those hurt people also hurt themselves.

A common, yet destructive, way to deal with emotional pain and trauma is through escapism—often achieved through the temporary, detrimental effects of drug and alcohol abuse. So, what’s the real solution? The real solution is to confront the pain—to actually hurt and suffer. Kanye West said it well: “That that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger.”

We’ve all seen spoiled children who get whatever they want, whenever they want. Not only are they no fun to be around, but they often grow up to be unhappy and unfulfilled adults. No one wants to suffer, no one wants to be in pain. But I believe that pain, when faced and not avoided, can shape us into stronger, better individuals. It’s easier to avoid pain—whether by getting drunk, getting high, or giving in to every demand—but the long-term effects can be devastating.

Instead, embrace the pain, knowing that it’s most likely temporary. And if it isn’t, find a healthy coping mechanism. Viktor Frankl, who survived a Nazi concentration camp, and Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned for 27 years on Robben Island, had the best coping mechanisms—they focused on the future. They used the pain of the present to shape and envision the future they wanted.

Taking the easy way out—through escapism or giving up—will hurt you and your loved ones more than you can imagine. So, go ahead and put on Kanye West’s “Stronger,” and realize that you can kick ass much longer!