Bastian’s Best Lessons

 Bastian’s Best Lessons

During my current coast-to-coast tour of New York and California’s jail and prison systems, I’ve had the opportunity to share some of the hard-earned lessons I’ve gathered over the years with men from various walks of life. This past weekend, I gave a speech to both the inmate workers and staff, not necessarily sharing my personal experiences, but rather the wisdom of one of the sheriffs who has spent the last 20 months managing 120+ inmate workers.

Having been incarcerated for nearly four years, I can say I’ve rarely witnessed the level of compassion and dedication this sheriff has shown. He wasn’t just focused on maintaining order—he genuinely wanted to help these men become better versions of themselves. Below are some of the key lessons he imparted, expanded with context from my own observations.

Bastian’s Best Lessons:

1. Real men cry.

Showing emotion isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you care. Real men face their emotions and work through their struggles instead of hiding them. Vulnerability is strength.

2. Work ethic speaks louder than words.

This sheriff often worked double shifts, clocking out at 10-11 PM and returning by 5:30 AM. He never asked us to do anything he wouldn’t do himself, and he was always the first to roll up his sleeves and get his hands dirty (without gloves, no less).

3. One “oh shit” cancels out ten “atta boys.”

You can be flawless in your efforts 99% of the time, but one mistake—one careless “oh shit”—can undo all that hard work. Reputation is fragile. Always be thorough, and never get complacent.

4. Set high standards—and keep them.

In our paramilitary-style program, we were required to keep our beds made, be fully dressed, and clean-shaven daily. These routines became habits, and many of the men continued them even after leaving the program. Don’t lower your standards—set them to impress yourself.

5. Think before you act.

I once got punished not for defying orders, but for acting without thinking. After our dorm failed inspection, we were banned from buying soda. Thinking it didn’t apply to me, I bought water instead. It seemed small, but even minor actions can have ripple effects. Always think ahead.

6. Honesty is still the best policy.

One inmate got caught smuggling a bag of sugar in his crotch to brew "hooch", jailhouse wine. When confronted, he admitted it honestly. He wasn’t fired from his position, and instead became a model worker. Owning up to your mistakes builds trust.

7. True leadership is about making others better.

Leadership isn’t about badges, titles, or followers. A real leader is someone whose actions make the people around them better. A bad leader drags others down—don’t be that person.

8. Never hesitate to ask for help.

This deputy never acted like a superhero. He frequently relied on others for assistance when tackling large projects. There’s no shame in seeking help when it benefits the greater good.

9. Take personal responsibility.

This deputy owned up to his mistakes, both personal and professional, using them as teaching moments for the men in his charge. When nothing is hidden, there’s no room for lies or excuses. Accountability is non-negotiable.

10. Humility goes a long way.

Despite his position, the sheriff never pounded his chest or sought glory for himself. He attributed his successes to his team and to God, inspiring the men to work harder and aim higher—not just for themselves, but because it was their God-given duty to do so.

Bonus: Be friends with your ex-wife or baby mama.

In both prison and life, broken homes are common. But that doesn’t mean you have to be enemies with your ex or the mother/father of your kids. The sheriff often shared stories of how he co-parents with his ex-wife. Despite her being in a new relationship, they still work together for the sake of their son. It’s not easy, but the maturity it takes to maintain that relationship is inspiring.

These lessons have left a lasting impact on my life. The sheriff’s roles as a prison guard, father, and Christian man have shaped him into someone who not only cares, but truly loves others—especially those who’ve never felt love before. We can all learn something from his example.

“Those who love their children care to discipline them.” — Proverbs 13:24